The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
