its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
