Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
