4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
