Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
