I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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