she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize