babies were throwing up all over the place
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
