She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
