i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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