Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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