wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
