i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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