I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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