fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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