The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize