i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
