If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
