you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
