I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
