I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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