Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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