just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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