So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize