If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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