Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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