I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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