Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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