shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
