Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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