I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
