The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
