took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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