I just pynch a tree in the face
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
