god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
