You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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