idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
