I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
