i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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