i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
