I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
