Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
