I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
