You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
