you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
