Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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