respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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