My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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