I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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