I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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