I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
