Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
In the future we'll all be gay
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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