I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
