I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
