I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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