i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
