he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
