I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
