if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
