I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
