Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
