In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
