My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
