Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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